The Blamers 2007 - A star-bereft award ceremony
Sunday, June 24, 2007

The more prescient among you may have come across whispers in some far-flung corner of the internet hinting that this blog will soon be following Tony Blair into retirement. These whispers have some truth, because I started them. (As Peter Black writes today, why would cheeky Wales on Sunday Journalist Matt Withers find his own stories when he can just pinch them from someone else?)

More on that later. In the meantime, I shall press on with my end of year political awards. Of course, it's not the end of the year and on current form no politician really deserves an award, but now is my last chance.

Regular readers will know that this blog has been enriched over the past eight months by references to certain characters who have very kindly allowed me to reduce their incredibly complex personalities to simple stereotypes. Either that, or they've been too stupid or lazy to notice:)

So, I would like to present The Blamers 2007. A pair of my crusty briefs will be finding its way to the lucky winners, with grateful thanks from Wales' first and only blogespondent.

Heinz Ketchup Award for Best Source: Jonathan Morgan
After taking part in my Honest John experiment, Tory golden boy Jonathan Morgan really got into blogging. So much so, in fact, that he began to email me with other feature ideas. Would I like to start an item about 'hilarious' anecdotes from the campaign trail? JM's own offering went something like this:

"Towards the end of the discussion a man stood up and introduced himself as being from Germany. As a pro European I have no problem with this although he proceeded to lecture us on the environmental damage caused by war, and how the illegal Iraq war had been a disaster... Being lectured by a German on international conflict is a bit like being lecture by King Herod on 1st century AD methods of childcare!"

Jonathan, that's why I'm the journalist and you're the politician. Let's keep it that way.

Marmite Award for Splitting the Audience: Huw Lewis
You either love him or hate him, it seems. I need only mention his name and you will split into your various tribal camps, either extolling his virtues or hoping to wipe your behinds with his political career. I do hope he becomes First Minister one day, because I suspect a medieval battle will break out on the streets of Cardiff.

Poor Huw. I reckon what he needs is a Red-Green coalition and a great big hug from Mohammad Ashgar. They have more in common than you might think.

Carol Voredman Award for Services to Spelling: Glyn Davies
This was a close one, because Alun Cairns' crap spelling has taken on an aquatic theme of late, what with Alex Salmon AND Salmon Rushdie in the news recently. But Glyn still pips it for his 'bulldozer' approach to blogging and the English language generally, which always makes for an entertaining read.

Oxfam Award for Buying the Ties Most People Wouldn't Even Use to Hang Themselves: Peter Black
Proof that there's nothing geeky about being a blogger.

British Heart Foundation Award for Buying the Scarves Most People Wouldn't Even Use to Hang Themselves: Helen Mary Jones
It took me a long time before plucking up the courage to take the piss out of HMJ for her loyalty to pashminas. I genuinely thought she had some sort of hideous neck disfigurement and therefore it would be in poor taste to make jokes at her expense.

Turns out she just happens to really like scarves, which is to be admired as scarf-wearing can sometimes be a hazardous activity.

Armitage Shanks Award for Taking all the Shit: Rhodri Glyn Thomas
Runner-up: Carl Sargeant
By April, I considered this blog to be doing reasonably well. I made absolutely no attempt to remain anonymous and for obvious reasons, most people in Plaid Cymru knew who was behind the briefs. I was shocked, therefore, to discover that in the run up to the election Rhodri Glyn Thomas had been probing the BBC's political editor to find out the identity of the 'diawl' who continually mocked him on the internet. Perhaps if he spent less time eating buffet lunches he'd have been able to work it out himself:)

Joseph Goebbels Award for Frank and Open debate: Leighton Andrews
You lot are a volatile bunch, and no matter what I write, someone usually likes to take offence. That's why I've steered clear of taking on all of you en masse. You are most dangerous when you are united (even if you do write an awful lot of rubbish in the comments sometimes!). Unfortunately, nobody told Leighton Andrews (and if they did, he pressed on anyway). The result? This little ding dong. Hopefully the blogosphere has emerged all the stronger for it. Group hug.

Just William Award for Services to Short Trousers: Alun Cairns
Runner-up: Ioan Bellin
According to his Facebook page, the Conservatives' new baby-faced Education spokesman has been out clubbing twice this week AND he's been frolicking with the rah-rahs in the annual Hunt Ball. Despite that, he still gets asked for I.D. when trying to buy bottles of Pimm's for the gymkhana and he's never been allowed onto the scariest rollercoasters at Alton Towers.

Nevertheless, Alun continues to punch above his weight in the assembly, if only because he weighs less than Eleanor Burnham's make-up bag.

And that concludes The Blamers 2007. No politicians were harmed in the making of this blog entry, though certain egos have again taken a bit of a beating:)

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